


virtue is only virtue in extremis

by undodgedbullet



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi, astra if you're reading this this is one hundred percent your fault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-24 19:44:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17710406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undodgedbullet/pseuds/undodgedbullet
Summary: An outing to the Doctor's office leads to a conversation about River's death.





	virtue is only virtue in extremis

**Author's Note:**

> so basically,,, i accidentally got really invested in River/Twelve/Missy whoops. this takes place in s10 but also in an alternate universe bc timelines & stuff

“Oh, come on, there’s nothing to _do_ in here. Surely I should be allowed out as long as you’re supervising me.”

 

Missy gives the Doctor her most flattering smile and he sighs, shaking his head. “You know I can’t, Missy. Besides, Nardole is going out later today to buy some of the things you requested.”

 

“ _Some_ of the things?” she repeats, gasping in mock offense. “Why can’t I get _all_ of the things I asked for?”

 

He gives her a look. “I’m not giving you any weapons.”

 

She pouts, pretending like she really had expected him to approve of that part. “Well, either way, if the Egg Man is going out today then the earliest I’ll get my things is _tomorrow_. So what am I supposed to do until then?”

 

The Doctor looks like he’s about to give in so she makes her expression as innocent as possible until finaĺly he looks away, nodding. “All right, fine. But not for long and only to my office. If Nardole finds out, we’re both going to be in a lot of trouble.”

  
“Don’t worry, I promise I’ll be good. Cross my hearts.” Missy hops up from her chair and the Doctor follows, not quite as excited as she is but fondly shaking his head. He opens the door to the vault and they exit, Missy quiet and only going where he guides them as promised. She doesn’t really mind; being out of the vault is enough for her (for now). They get to the Doctor’s office and he locks the door behind them so they don’t get any unwanted visitors. “So _this_ is your humble little abode. Could use a little work but you know what? It’s, as the kids say, valid.”

 

Missy takes a brief look around and then makes her way to the desk, sitting down in the Doctor’s chair. “It does its job well enough, which is to keep me as a professor here undetected. I’ve found I like it for the most part—” He cuts his sentence off when he realizes how quiet she’s being and he looks over to see that she’s not even listening to him anymore, instead holding one of the photos he always keeps on his desk. He can immediately tell it’s the one of River by Missy’s expression and he wants to comfort her because he knows exactly what she’s feeling, he’s spent so long feeling the same thing himself, but the room suddenly feels very silent and he doesn’t want to accidentally say the wrong thing. Missy must sense him watching her because she tears her gaze away from the photo and she meets his eyes, probably not even aware how pleading her expression is, like she needs him to make it all better. He can’t fix everything but he does offer a sad smile as he gently asks, “Do you miss her?”

 

“Do _you?_ ” Missy snaps, placing the picture back on the desk with more force than she needs to. He knows she doesn’t mean to be hostile about this, it’s just her way of coping since she obviously does not want to think about this right now, and in her defence it was a question he already knows the answer to, but he makes his way to the front of his desk and sits down.

 

“Of course I do.” He takes the photograph and looks down at it, his face clouding with the memories of when he once had the entire world in front of him, happiness and exhilaration right in his grasp. His eyes trail over his dead wife’s face, as if he’s memorizing the lines on her face and the brightness in her smile all over again. Missy watches him, barely breathing because this moment feels far to private, almost like she shouldn’t even be here. He turns back to her Missy but she notices the spell doesn’t break, the intimacy he had shared with River also there for her. “Not a single day passes where I don’t think about her.”

 

“Yes, well. The two of you _were_ married.” She turns away, as if hiding her face from him is the equivalent of hiding her emotions.

 

“You may not have married her but she was just as much your wife as she was mine. You know, Missy, it’s good to actually talk about your feelings once in a while.” He places River’s picture on the desk, right in the middle of them.

 

“And which feelings would that be, then?” She misses the days things were easier, when she didn’t have to deal with silly sentiments like admiration or fondness or _love_.

 

He smiles, like he knows exactly what she’s thinking. “You know that thing River wrote once? Virtue is only—”

 

“—Virtue in extremis,” she finishes before she even realizes she’s speaking.

 

He nods. “ _This_ is what she meant.”

 

Neither of them say anything for a moment until Missy leans forward. “I do miss her a bit. More than a bit. A lot,” she admits, finally meeting the Doctor’s eyes again, who gestures for her to continue. “Sometimes I forget she’s not around anymore and then it hits me and it’s— I don’t know. But I don’t like it.”

 

“I talk to her more often than not when I’m alone.” He nods to the photo. “And if I pretend hard enough, she answers back. Which sounds sad now that I’m saying it out loud but... it’s just my way of coping.”

 

“How _do_ you cope?” Missy asks, because she’s managed to kill a lot, _a lot_ , of people and she’s never had any repercussions but then her best enemy’s wife dies and suddenly she has no idea how to deal with it.

 

“I just... do.” The Doctor shrugs. Coping with the deaths of people he loves isn’t anything new to him. “I wish I could say it helps that she died the first time I ever met her, but I actually think it made it even harder. I had spent so long trying to make sure Darillium didn’t happen but it ended up being inevitable.”

 

Missy fixes her gaze on the photo again. The Doctor thinks she’s done talking, which is fine because they’ve actually made a lot of progress tonight, but she looks back up at him and asks, “You’ve lost a lot of people, haven’t you?”

 

The question takes him by surprise but he nods. “It never gets any easier.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

He smiles at her. “It’s okay.”

 

She knows it’s not but she tries to return his smile. She nods at the photograph of River. “Can I have a copy? For my vault.”

 

He places his hand on top of hers. “Of course you can.”

**Author's Note:**

> y'all i am SAD


End file.
